June 13th, 2007

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.

First, they need to cure cancer. AIDS, herpes, all the other troublesome diseases — they need to go, too. Heart disease, Alheimer’s, Parkinson’s: you’re gone, too. It’ll happen within 25 years, mark my words. It would’ve been less, but you idiots elected Bush twice.

So after that shit is gone, what are these researchers going to work on? I have some ideas:

  • Brain Freeze — seriously, the worst pain short of childbirth and kidney stones. All I do is get a little involved with my Ben & Jerry’s and the punishment is like Insta-Gitmo. Christ I hate this.
  • Funny Bone — it’s not funny, and it hurts like a mofo. In fact, I hereby call for all the end of all unwanting numbing. Speaking of that,
  • Limbs falling “asleep” at night. When I was a kid, I’d wake up with a whole leg asleep and it’d take 5-10 excruciating minutes of hobbling around, moaning, before the feeling would come back. Even now, an arm will go “to sleep” in the middle of the night and hurt like a fuck. How is it that my limbs are simultaneously numb and in pain? This must be cured.

I’d take a cure for some mental illness, severe burns, and the love of country music, but I don’t want to over-extend myself.

May 22nd, 2007

The NYT, that flagship of forward thinking, has published an op-ed piece calling for copyright to be made permanent. I’m linking to it half-heartedly; one side of me thinks you gotta read this thing to believe it, and the other is afraid I’ll be helping to poison minds.

A quick summary: no one has ever explained why an idea is any different from physical property. Since you don’t forfeit your land after a certain number of years, why should you have to give up “owning” a copyright?

It’s amazing how poorly people can reason. The author of the op-ed is a good example. He feels that if he can make an analogy — however strained it might be — that he has won his point.

Obviously he’s wrong. An idea is not physical property. He gives a passing nod to the founding fathers but fails to mention any part of the debate that led to the copyright/patent clause. Jefferson, for one, says that it is ridiculous to treat an idea as if it existed in the physical world. (A full quote from him is at the bottom of this post.) That’s why they settled for “limited monopoly” — because they recognized that you can only live in a fantasy world for so long.

I guess if I had to answer this guy directly — the question posed in his headline (”A Great Idea Lives Forever. Shouldn’t Its Copyright?”) — I might say:

Great ideas do not live forever. They need to evolve and have the benefit of other minds to hack at them, to improve them. Ask Walt Disney. He took the ideas in the stories of the Brothers Grimm — horrifying stories, if you’ve ever read them — and made them new, as well as palatable. Every idea has its time, and its author does deserve a short monopoly as a congratulations. Then it’s others’ turn. And in my book, that limited time is very, very short: perhaps five years, perhaps even less.

Ideas benefit from hacking. If we want to stifle creativity and innovation, we should freeze them in time with laws. If our aim is the opposite, then we should consider giving them lives of their own. You’re right: ideas live. But things can only live if you are willing to give them freedom.

So here’s what Thomas Jefferson had to say about this subject, in a letter to one Isaac McPherson:

“It has been pretended by some, (and in England especially,) that inventors have a natural and exclusive right to their inventions, and not merely for their own lives, but inheritable to their heirs. But while it is a moot question whether the origin of any kind of property is derived from nature at all, it would be singular to admit a natural and even an hereditary right to inventors … If nature has made any one thing less susceptible than all others of exclusive property, it is the action of the thinking power called an idea, which an individual may exclusively possess as long as he keeps it to himself; but the moment it is divulged, it forces itself into the possession of every one, and the receiver cannot dispossess himself of it. Its peculiar character, too, is that no one possesses the less, because every other possesses the whole of it. He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. That ideas should freely spread from one to another over the globe, for the moral and mutual instruction of man, and improvement of his condition, seems to have been peculiarly and benevolently designed by nature, when she made them, like fire, expansible over all space, without lessening their density in any point, and like the air in which we breathe, move, and have our physical being, incapable of confinement or exclusive appropriation. Inventions then cannot, in nature, be a subject of property. Society may give an exclusive right to the profits arising from them, as an encouragement to men to pursue ideas which may produce utility, but this may or may not be done, according to the will and convenience of the society, without claim or complaint from anybody. Accordingly, it is a fact, as far as I am informed, that England was, until we copied her, the only country on earth which ever, by a general law, gave a legal right to the exclusive use of an idea.”

August 24th, 2006

I was cleaning up my gmail account when I came across another great “hey, with a name like area51.org, you must be at Area 51 HQ at Groom Lake!” email from days gone by (last year I think). It’s from another enterprising young lad, who entitled it “Requesting Access”. (I’ve blocked part of his last name. Sorry.)

This is Depper dan*** with the united states navy requesting all
information you have on UFO’s and time travle, thank you for your
cooperation

Sincerley,
Dustin Dan***

No, I don’t know what a “Depper” is either. But I remember chuckling warmly at the thought of this kid as he entertained the hope that his mail might be penetrating the sand-blown walls of the most secretive military installation in the history of the U.S. (The most secretive base we know about, anyway.)

So I wrote back and used official tones.

EYES ONLY
TOP SECRET/MAJIC

EYES ONLY
TOP SECRET/MAJIC

Admiral Dan***:

Below find current intelligence regarding Area 51/Dreamland. As per usual this is classified data only available to top agents. Request disclosure of your clearance level as a matter of protocol.

Lt. Col. James Riley
Groom Lake Base Area S-4
023976/UIUMAJIC2815

==============================

=====
Area 51 (also known as Dreamland, Watertown, The Ranch, Paradise Ranch , The Farm, The Box, Groom Lake, and The Directorate for Development Plans Area) is a remote tract of land in southern Nevada , owned by the federal government of the United States , containing an air field apparently used for the secret development and testing of new military aircraft. It is famed as the subject of many UFO conspiracy theories.

I took that straight from Wikipedia, which as everyone knows, contains a lot of top-secret information.I went on to include some info about John Titor, who — for those of you not privvy to more top-secret eyes-only intel — was a guy who appeared on the net a few years ago and claimed to be a U.S. military time traveller from 2036. I added the headline to tie the text in with Area 51 (there’s no connection, otherwise):

TIME TRAVEL FACILITATED BY AREA 51 IN THE FUTURE
TOP SECRET/MAJIC

A Brief Summary of the John Titor Phenomenon

Although there is debate over the exact date it started, on November 02, 2000, a person calling themselves Timetravel_0, and later John Titor, started posting on a public forum that he was a time traveler from the year 2036.

 

One of the first things he did was post pictures of his time machine and its operations manual. As the weeks went by, more and more people began questioning him about why he was here, the physics of time travel and his thoughts about our time. He also posted on other forums including the now non-existent Art Bell site. In his posts John Titor entertained, angered, frightened and even belittled those who engaged him in conversation.

Mind you, I sent him a lot more stuff than this — reams of material from Wikipedia and some other sources. I must have been bored (I was on vacation as I recall).

He answered back!

my current clearence is DEP/AECF your help so far is greatly appreciated i
would also like to request all all other information you have on or relating
to John Titor and other time travlers that have been considereded to be more
fact than disregarded. thank you once again

Sincerley,
Dustin Dan***

It got to be kind of fun, playing spy-vs-spy with this guy. Or at least it had been fun up to that point. I didn’t answer him back; I’m sure he assume our conversation had been monitored and that I’d been “disappeared”.

No, I’m not sure I understand why I think this is interesting, either — but I do think it is. People keep assuming that if you have a domain name, you must be an authority.

August 23rd, 2006

I’ve been fooling around with the Wayback Machine, which has snapshots of every website ever created since the Dawn of Man, 1996. It’s got still-life snapshots of some awfully famous sites in their formative years — not unlike seeing a friend’s yearbook photo from junior high. (Hey, for those of you playing along at home and peeking at those links — isn’t it weird how Amazon hasn’t changed very much since 2000?)

And it’s a good way to get yourself depressed when you realize that all these people were busy making themselves fabulous and wealthy while you’ve been swinging a virtual pickaxe in the salt mines.

I didn’t realize it until just now, but my trip down Random-Access Lane was probably spurred by a conversation I had today with an old friend, former boss, in which we waxed web-nostalgic. He confessed that the first time he saw Mosaic, the first real web browser, he couldn’t figure out why having pictures on the internet was supposed to be so impressive. (My answer to him, obviously, was “porn”, which is what the internet is for anyway.) And I admitted what had been my first Great Internet Mistake (one of a series), in which I heard that Yahoo! was planning to make a business out of its little hand-built directory of sites on the fledgling web, and wondered aloud, “how exactly do they think they’re going to make money?” (If you’ve ever wanted to jump into a time machine, land at a particular moment in your life and just kick the shit out of yourself, then you probably know how I feel.)

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’” –John Greenleaf Whittier

What’s kind of amazing to me, keen observer of internet greatness, is what actually worked. Flickr is nothing new, and yet its founders have found reason to be arrogant about their success. Google I can understand, but not because no one had ever come out of a Stanford PhD trailer with a web startup before — it’s just that internet search was not being done all that well. (After that came AdSense/AdWords, which they didn’t really invent either, but they did do it right!)

Blogs are not new either — this incarnation of Area51 is yet another doomed attempt in a long series that started not long after I picked up the domain name. We didn’t call them blogs or weblogs, just “home pages”, and they started out as the place you stored a growing collection of links to other people’s growing collections of links. Then you started making little notes and updates, and then Ben and Mena got fired and worked on some software instead of looking for another job, and here we are today. Dooce, the smartassed graphic designer who got famous for getting fired for blogging, supports her entire family by posting every other day and uploading photos. (Granted, she lives in Utah, where 4000-square-foot houses cost like 500 bucks.) I just read that Boing Boing — which used to be a paper ‘zine, and had to stop publishing because it cost too much money to produce — made one million dollars (Dr. Evil intonations included) in revenue last year (2005). Ok, it was gross revenue, but Boing Boing is literally four dudes. Even if their hosting service costs $250-large for a year, they’re still splitting $750,000 between three bloggers.

So I guess you can make a buck on the internet, after all, and you don’t even have to get naked (although it doesn’t hurt, apparently). Which, I think, scares the bejezus out of me. I like simple, assured success, and no such thing exists, at least not on our beloved ‘net. You can have simple success, the run-away insta-hit, sure; there are plenty of examples of that. Assured success isn’t so common, but if you have some angel funding, a reasonably interesting idea, and maybe some TV popularity to leverage, you stand a chance. No, the hard part of the proposition — how can I get my back up off the wall and dance at the internet party? — is not coming up with ideas or even getting funding (and funding is so overrated).

It’s reaching deep down after a long session of soul-searching and realizing that you’re going to have to use the balls that God gave you.

August 11th, 2006

‘This nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom, to hurt our nation.’ –George W. Bush on the arrest of 24 suspected terrorists

That’s in contrast to the Christian fascists (like Bush) who have the same aim, right? That would be different.

July 28th, 2006

A couple of days ago — just as I was starting to settle on a page design — I found out someone had just linked to this fledgling blog. I had to look at the page, of course.

Area 51! DOT ORG!
Current mood: curious

Area 51 has been one of the most strongly guarded secrets in the history of America. For years i’ve been attempting to get a peek into www.area51.org, however it is FORBIDDEN by main stream commercial internet browsers. How sad. :-(

What I did manage to do, however, was find a CACHED page of www.area51.org, however pretty much 99 percent of the content was covered. So without further ado, here you all go. It’s a snapshot of the area51.org website, or atleast all that I could get to display.

What do you do with something like this? I hated to disappoint the lad. Finally, I answered him:

[I]t’s just a domain I got in the mid-90s. I didn’t even pay for it at the time — this was before you had to pay for domains. I’ve always wanted to do something cool with it; I like Area 51, and I’ve been as close to the real thing as you legally can (you know, turn right off of highway 375 at the black mailbox … ).But anything you’ve found that is now or used to be at www.area51.org was me fooling around with the domain. Sad to say, no secrets here.Then again, I could be a government agent lying to you. =:-O

I didn’t hear back. The disappointment and heartbreak must have been immense; here he was sure that he’d pried the corner off the lid of one of the biggest legitimate mysteries in the world today: what the hell is the government doing at that secret airbase? — so secret that up until the last decade, government spooks wouldn’t admit it existed! Instead he finds out that some dumbass who liked The X-Files and had watched Chariots of the Gods a few too many times (in the 1970s and now on fabulous DVD) had picked up the domain name and kept it. (area51.com was already taken, in case you’re curious.) Quel dommage for my eager citizen spy.This blog isn’t really about that UFO crap. I’m sure I won’t be able to stray too far away from it, but if you’re here looking for The Paranormal News Channel, maybe have a look at the Coast-to-Coast AM website, or maybe Glenn Campbell’s Aliens on Earth site (no, not that Glenn Campbell — the other one).